Rebecca's Journey

ACFW New Releases - February 2012

2012-02-01T12:01:00.002-06:00

If you like to read, here are some great Christian fiction books from ACFW authors.

More in-depth descriptions of these books can be found on the ACFW Fiction Finder website.

Love Finds You in New Orleans by Christa Allan -- (Historical Romance from Summerside Press - Guideposts).

Picture Perfect Family by Renee Andrews -- Missionary Daniel Brantley has returned to Claremont, Alabama to raise his orphaned nephew; however, Mandy Carter, the woman whose proposal he refused years before, isn't about to let him take Kaden away. (Contemporary Romance from Love Inspired).

Into the Free by Julie Cantrell -- A simple girl with anything but a simple story. (Contemporary Fiction from David Cook).

A Wedding to Remember in Charleston, South Carolina by Annalisa Daughety -- Wedding planner Summer Nelson is throwing herself into her work to avoid the pain of her recent marriage separation. Husband Luke knows he made a mistake - but doesn't know how to fix it. When a hurricane traps them together, the crisis might tear them apart forever. (Contemporary Romance from Barbour Publishing).

Heart's Safe Passage by Laurie Alice Eakes, -- When midwife Phoebe Lee is pressed by her pregnant sister-in-law to help save her husband from an English prison during the War of 1812, they end up aboard a British privateer crossing the Atlantic under the command of a man with a deadly mission. (Historical Romance from Revell).

Highland Crossings by Laurie Alice Eakes, Pamela Griffin, Jennifer Hudson Taylor, Gina Welborn, -- Historic North Carolina takes center stage in a new collection of novellas that follows the lives and loves of four women…and the heirloom brooch that connects them through generations. Will Seona, Fiona, Seren, and Brynna find God's path in a new world far from their Scottish home? (Historical Romance from Barbour Publishing).

When the Smoke Clears by Lynette Eason -- When Alexia arrives home to find her ex-boyfriend dead in her mother's basement, she realizes she needs help. Thanks goodness Hunter Graham is more than willing to offer it. (Romantic Suspense from Revell).

Sweeter than Birdsong by Rosslyn Elliott -- A shy young woman must find her courage when she is thrown together on a dangerous errand with a musical genius. (Historical Romance from Thomas Nelson).

Words Spoken True by Ann H. Gabhart -- Adriane Darcy stands ready to do whatever she must to keep her father's newspaper number one in the city including agreeing to marry a man she doesn't love, the son of a powerful local political figure, but when she meets Blake Garrett, the editor of a competing newspaper, sparks fly that will change both their lives forever. (Historical Romance from Revell).

Before the Scarlet Dawn by Rita Gerlach-- In 1775, A young woman longs for acceptance and leaves behind all she has in order to follow her heart and the man she loves into the Maryland wilderness. But will her love and faith protect her from the trial she must face? Will she find the true meaning of companionship? And how will she face the world when she is rejected by those closest to her? (Historical Romance from Abingdon Press).

Sheltering Love by Elizabeth Goddard -- Alexa's last chance to produce an award-winning documentary draws attention to a canopy biologist hiding in the trees. When their greatest fears collide in the heart of the wilderness, can they each bury the past long enough to nurture love? (Romance from Heartsong Presents (Barbour)).

Promise Me This by Cathy Gohlke-- Michael Dunnagan is given a life, a hope and a future through his friend's sacrifice aboard Titanic. Now he must keep his promise to help Owen's family in NJ, and bring his sister from England to America. He never expected to fall in love with her, or that she would disappear into the horrors of WWI. Michael risks everything to find the woman he's grown to love. (Historical from Tyndale House Publishers).

To Love and To Cherish by Kelly S. Irvin-- The sudden, tragic death of Emma Shirack's parents in a buggy accident and the return of a suitor who abandoned her years earlier test Emma's Amish faith and her ability to forgive. Will a man she thought of as a friend be the one to help her to heal? (Romance from Harvest House).

Sixty Acres and a Bride by Regina Jennings-- She's Finally Found a Place to Call Home... How Far Will She Go to Save It? (Historical Romance from Bethany House).

Hometown Cinderella by Ruth Axtell Morren -- (Historical Romance from Love Inspired).

Falling for the Fireman by Allie Pleiter-- When fire marshall Chad Owens suspects that fire victim Jeannie Nelworth's son may be channeling his emotions in a dangerous manner, will the pretty and but protective widowed mom be strong enough to help him? (Contemporary Romance from Love Inspired).

Second Chance by Eileen Hinkle Rife-- Dareece Jackson, a teen from the projects, wants something in Mave Robertson's purse...and he'll stop at nothing to get it. (Contemporary Fiction from OakTara Publishers).

Song of My Heart by Kim Vogel Sawyer-- Sadie Wagner has always been devoted to her family. So when her stepfather is injured and can't work, she decides to leave home and accept a position as a clerk at the mercantile in Goldtree, Kansas. Goldtree also offers the opportunity to use her God-given singing talent - though the promised opera house is far different from what she imagined. With her family needing every cent she can provide, Sadie will do anything to keep her job. Thad McKane comes to Goldtree at the request of the town council. The town has been plagued by bootlegging operations, and Thad believes he can find the culprit. (Historical Romance from Bethany House).

A House Full of Hope by Missy Tippens-- A widowed mom of four who's put her life on hold until her kids are grown finds hope of love in the most unlikely of places when the former bad boy who ruined her sister returns to town seeking redemption. (Contemporary Romance from Love Inspired).

A Sweethaven Summer by Courtney Walsh-- Campbell Carter has come to Sweethaven in search of answers about her mother's history. Just before losing a battle with cancer, Suzanne Carter wrote letters to childhood friends from her hometown of Sweethaven, Michigan. Suzanne's three friends-Lila, Jane, and Meghan-haven't spoken in years, yet each has pieces of a scrapbook they made together as girls. Suzanne's letters have lured them all back to the idyllic lakeside town, where they meet Campbell and begin to remember what was so special about their long Sweethaven summers. (Contemporary Fiction from Guideposts Books).

Blue Moon Bay by Lisa Wingate-- A sweet deal for the sale of lakeside family property in Texas could make Heather's career, but suddenly the family backs off, Heather rushes back to the site of a previous family tragedy and finds an old high school flame and her brother scheming to -- what? (Cozy Mystery from Bethany House).

The Scent of Cherry Blossoms by Cindy Woodsmall-- Love between a Mennonite woman and an Amish man threatens the lifelong relationship between two brothers. And two families. Annie is a young Old Order Mennonite woman whose grandfather co-owns a restaurant with the Zooks, an Old Order Amish family. Romance between the Mennonites and Amish is unacceptable. Inappropriate. Forbidden. But it seems that Annie and Aden have denied their feelings for each other for as long as they can tolerate. (Contemporary Romance from Waterbrook Multnomah).

January 2012: New Releases

2012-01-01T08:00:00.009-06:00

For those of you who love to read, here's a list of books being released this month from my fellow writers, all members of American Christian Fiction Writers.
Enjoy!

More in-depth descriptions of these books can be found on the ACFW Fiction Finder website.

Halflings by Heather Burch -- One girl. Three half-angel guys. And the fate of the world. (Young Adult from Zondervan).

Summer of Promise by Amanda Cabot -- Stagecoach robberies and a certain lieutenant make Abigail Harding's summer at Wyoming's Fort Laramie unforgettable. (Historical Romance from Revell).

The Rose of Winslow Street by Elizabeth Camden -- Libby Sawyer's quiet, respectable life in Colden, Massachusetts is shattered when a bold stranger from Romania invades her world. Fascinated by this enigmatic man, Libby uncovers layers of mystery surrounding Micahel Dobrescu's amazing past...and his plans for the future in which she plays a startling role. (Historical Romance from Bethany House).

Injustice for All by Robin Caroll -- Who can you turn to when everything you believe in is shattered? (Romantic Suspense from B&H Publishing).

A Life of Joy by Amy Clipston -- Take a trip to Bird-in-Hand, Pennsylvania, where you'll meet the women of the Kauffman Amish Bakery in Lancaster County. As each woman's story unfolds, you will share in her heartaches, trials, joys, dreams ... and secrets. (Romance from Zondervan).

An Amish Family Reunion by Mary Ellis, -- As Phoebe embarks on a new romance and an unlikely career choice for someone Amish, the Miller family tries to put aside differences long enough to attend a joyous family reunion. (Contemporary Romance from Harvest House).

The Keeper by Suzanne Woods Fisher -- Julia Lapp has planned on marrying Paul Fisher since she was a girl. Now twenty-one, she looks forward to their wedding with giddy anticipation. When Paul tells her he wants to postpone the wedding--again--she knows who is to blame. (Contemporary Romance from Revell).

The Accidental Bride by Denise Hunter -- Two high-school sweethearts, a wedding reenactment, and one absent-minded preacher. Is it a recipe for disaster or a chance for a new beginning? (Contemporary Romance from Thomas Nelson ).

All Roads Lead Home by Christine Johnson -- An orphanage agent must drive her car across the United States to save a boy from a disastrous placement with the man who claims to be his father, but she needs the assistance of a mechanic, and the only one willing to help is the man she jilted two years ago. (Historical Romance from Love Inspired).

Firethorn by Ronie Kendig -- Explosive Conclusion to Ronie Kendig's Discarded Heroes series. Blown and dismantled, Nightshade is ready to repay the favor. (Romantic Suspense from Barbour Publishing).

Tomorrow's Sun by Becky Melby-- Faith reaches across the centuries when Emily Foster finds old letters in the 160-year-old house she's remodeling, but Jake Braden, the contractor she's just hired, doesn't share her vision. (Contemporary Romance from Barbour Publishing).

Cherry Blossom Capers by Cara Putman, Lynette Sowell, Gina Conroy, and Frances Devine -- The lives of four neighbors are irrevocably changed amid mystery and romance. Assistant chef Tara Whitley is seeking a state dinner saboteur. Attorney Ciara Turner is tracking down a murderer. Budding archeologist Samantha Steele encounters a forger. Shop owner Susan Holland is someone's target. Will God protect them in life and love? (Romance/Mystery from Barbour Publishing).

The Secret Heiress by Terri Reed-- An adopted woman discovers she's heir to a fortune, only someone doesn't want her to live long enough to inherit. So she must hire a bodyguard to keep her safe but soon realizes her heart's in danger as well. (Romantic Suspense from Love Inspired Suspense).

Amelia's Journey by Martha W. Rogers-- When young rancher Ben and socialite Amelia meet again after six years, they are attracted to each other immediately, but Amelia's parents have other ideas for their daughter and forbid the relationship. (Historical Romance from Realms).

Winter Promise by Martha W. Rogers-- Abigail Monroe comes to Porterfield, Texas to open a library and to join her brother, Daniel and best friend, Rachel Reed with no thoughts of marriage, but young Doctor Elliot and Deputy Sheriff Cory Muldoon are both smitten and vie for her heart. (Historical Romance from Realms).

Where Wildflowers Bloom by Ann Shorey-- Will Faith Lindberg follow her heart, or marry the wrong man to achieve her goal? (Historical Romance from Revell).

Addison Blakely: Confessions of a PK by Betsy St. Amant-- Sixteen-year-old Addison Blakely has tirelessly played the role of PK-preacher's kid-her entire life. But after Wes Keegan revs his motorcycle into town and into her heart, Addison begins to wonder how much of her faith is her own and how much has been handed to her. (Young Adult from Barbour Publishing).

Christmas with a Heavy Heart

2011-12-15T09:36:00.000-06:00

It’s tough to go through the Christmas holidays with a heavy heart, especially when you’ve lost someone dear.

We received word that a family friend passed away, someone I’ve known since I was 11 years old. We used to live next door to his family, he went to college with my brother, I’ve watched his little brother and sister grow up from birth, and am close friends with another sister. Over the years, our families just became intertwined.

Granted, time has put some distance between us, as we’ve grown and had families and lives of our own. Yet there is always a bond, especially around Christmas. When we lived next door to each other, we started the tradition of spending Christmas Eve at their house. Even though we no longer live next door, every Christmas we come home, we have Christmas Eve with our friends. That included last year.

While we’re reeling from losing a member of this precious family, it hits home a little harder during the Christmas season. I’m staying home for Christmas this year, but part of me is yearning to be in New Mexico to be with our friends. Yes, I will see them this weekend, when I take this unplanned journey back home for the memorial service, but I won’t be staying for Christmas Eve.

I know I’m not the only struggling through the grieving process right now. Another dear friend of mine lost her father about a month ago. Getting through this first holiday without him has to be difficult for her.

And I can't help but remember our Christmas from 18 years ago. We lost my (step) nephew in a car accident, and nearly lost his mother. My nephew was 7 years old, and it was 4 days before Christmas. His funeral was Christmas Eve. I don’t know how my brother got through that time.

As I think through all of this, I’m learning that while it’s difficult to celebrate Christmas with a heavy heart, I ask what our deceased loved ones would want us to do. I believe they’d want us to move forward, carry on, and continue our Christmas traditions.

I think my other nephew, who was 6 at the time of his brother’s passing, said it best on that awful Christmas when we lost his brother. He said that he thought our nephew was having the best Christmas ever, because he was celebrating with Jesus!

Out of the mouths of babes…

While we miss our family and friends who aren’t with us right now, are feel their absence deeply, I know they are celebrating with Jesus.

We must look upon Christmas not just as something we have to get through this year. We need to remember that Christmas celebrates Jesus’ birth. And in my mind that means: Christmas is hope.

Personally, as I grieve the loss of my old friend, and recall 37 years of memories with his family, I know I must cling to the hope that Jesus’ birth brings. I will cling to that tightly as I hug my friend’s sister when I see her in a few days.

We must have that hope to carry us through…and celebrate Jesus’ life, and the lives of those we love, more than ever.

What now?

2011-10-20T08:39:00.000-05:00

Obviously, since I haven't posted in a while, I'm not sure what to do with this blog any more. I've talked a lot about my cancer experiences, and hopefully shared how faith, family and friends get you through that. I had a whole list of things to discuss on this blog, and you know what? I don't want to talk about cancer anymore! At least not right now.

I'm tired of cancer. It's been too big in my life, and now that I'm past all surgeries and all treatment, I want to put cancer in the past, too. I want to go back to being normal again.

But what is normal? The tag-line on this blog says "Living After Cancer - the New Normal." Well, that's true, this is a new normal. Cancer changed everything, whether I want to admit that or not. But I just don't want it to dominate my entire life.

I'm very proud to be a survivor. I love to encourage and give hope to others who are struggling with this awful disease or who have friends or family members in the midst of it. But I've never been one to go to these fundraisers or 5K runs, and wrap a pink feather boa around myself indicating that I'm a survivor. Please don't get me wrong. There's nothing wrong about survivors proudly proclaiming that we're still here. We should!

I just don't want to think about this disease every single day. It may have changed me...and changed me more than my physical appearance, but it won't define me. Again, I don't want to trivialize survivorship. Believe me, every day I look in the mirror, I see that I had cancer. And my scars are a symbol of surviving. However, my life is much more than “I had cancer.”

I don't want to think about it anymore. I want other things to dominate my life. Key words: my life. (not my cancer). That life should be focused on my wonderful husband, fantastic kids, cheering on my daughter as she goes to graduate school, preparing for my son's spring wedding in 2012...there's so much more going on in my life. Cancer isn't here anymore. Life is here!

Now I want to be a "normal" woman, whose biggest worry is complaining about her weight!

It’s time for life.

Reflections: A New Path Before Me

2011-07-14T08:51:00.000-05:00

I'm in a reflective mood this morning. Not surprising given this time of year. First of all, my birthday is coming up. Second, my 30th high school reunion is a few days after my birthday. Nothing like ramming it home that a lot of time has passed since those high school days! :)

Seems like July is the month where dramatic things happen to me. A few days before my 20th birthday I was in a serious motorcycle accident. This caused the first of the many scars on my body to appear. But I'm still here and kickin'...

More recently, obviously, I'm reflecting on this time two years ago. This was when I went in for my six-month mammogram... it was right after my five year mark from my first go round with cancer. I had been on every six-month visits til then, and this was actually my "graduation" mammogram where I'd finally be able to go back to yearly visits. So, I went into that mammogram, feeling good, feeling thankful, and excited about life returning to "normal."

As we all know...there's no such thing as "normal." The words from my doctor still echo in my head: "I see something..." Sure enough, there was "something" there, and cancer had reared its ugly head one more time in my body. Cancer wasn't visible on my January mammogram, but by July, there it was. Thank God for those every-six-month visits...I can't imagine if I had already been back to yearly mammograms at the point.

Unfortunately, this was a different cancer than the first one I had, yet still in my breast. I don't know what was scarier...cancer returning again, or the fact that it was a new cancer and not a recurrence from five years previous. It didn't matter...my world shifted that day.... a new path was before me and the word "normal" changed once again.

The day after that mammogram, we had the biopsy. Two days later was my birthday. Here's a picture of my hubby and me on my birthday.

I love this picture. But I see so much in it because of everything that was going on. I remember being very determined to still have a wonderful birthday. We already had plans that day, and nothing, not even a fresh cancer diagnosis was going to change our plans. And we had a wonderful time that day, celebrating with family and friends!

Besides determination, though, I also see the fear in my eyes...knowing that our path had indeed shifted and we were on a new road. I didn't know what was before me yet, only that I had cancer again, and that I would have to have a mastectomy, but we didn't know anything else: had it spread? Would I need chemotherapy? What else was involved? So many unanswered questions, and a tough road, were waiting for us.

Now, two years later, another thing strikes me about this picture...my husband and I together. That bond he and I share is precious (I thank God for it every day!), and over the past two years, we've clung to each other like that and leaned on each other, gone through the rough times, but have celebrated MANY happy times! Praise God!

So, here I sit, another birthday before me, my 2-year anniversary of being cancer free comes next month, and I'm recuperating from the final stage of my reconstructive surgery. (It took me a long time to decide to do that). In a way, we're back to a new path being before us. We're gradually closing the door on this particular cancer journey. I'm healthy, reconstructed (LOL), and now face life without cancer being in my vocabulary every single day.

But, you know what, I'll do the same thing I did two years ago: celebrate my birthday with family and friends, cling sweetly to my husband, and step on the new path that is now before me.

Doctor Changes

2011-05-11T10:38:00.000-05:00

Well, I just found out that my cancer doctor is moving out of state. Her office called the other day to re-schedule my July appointment to June so I could see her one more time before she moves.

While I'm happy for her that she's moving closer to family and will no doubt have a great new opportunity to pursue, my first thought was very selfish: NO -- DON'T LEAVE ME!!

I don't "hero-worship" my doctors, however, you do develop a bond with them as you go along this journey of cancer and recovery. My doctor did life-altering and physical-changing surgery on me. Yes, surgery that saved my life, but changed me forever. This doctor had to provide a balance of providing me hope and encouragement while remaining professional and clinical. This is something she did very well.

So, what's next? As far as my health, this final appointment with the doctor was the last of my "every 3-months" visits, and I was going to graduate to every 6-months. So, I guess her leaving comes at a pretty good transition time. I have an MRI scheduled for next week, so that will start the new doctor off with fresh images and information for me.

I'm sure my current doctor will recommend a new doctor for me. But I think I still need to be vigilant and do some research on my own for other doctors in the area, while throwing her recommendation into the mix as well.

I had a rare and unusual cancer, so I'd like a doctor who's at least had some experience with that. And a doctor who is open to new research and new treatments. Not one completely stuck in his/her ways...not willing to look at anything else as far as treatment goes.

Right now, as heartbroken...and admittedly...a bit scared as I am, I'm praying that this is a new opportunity for both my doctor, and for me with a new physician. I have to trust that God has a plan for a new doctor and that I'll be placed with the right one. Overall, I just hope I stay healthy and that eventually, the only doctor I'll need is my family physician! :)

So, for now, I salute Dr. S, and wish her nothing but the best (even though my insides are still screaming not to leave me!), and I look forward to whatever a new doctor can contribute to my ongoing good health and recovery.

Onward we go....

How to help...

2011-03-15T15:50:00.000-05:00

I had someone contact me recently after finding out that a friend of hers was recently diagnosed with breast cancer. While she knew she was going to pray for her friend, she wanted to do something more. How could she really help and support her friend?

I have a few suggestions on that topic from my own personal experience. First off, praying is the best thing you can do. Believe me, your friend will feel those prayers. Don't ever think that's not enough.

The other thing you can do, especially as time goes on through her treatment, is to treat her NORMALLY. Depending on what she has to deal with, if it's surgery, radiation and/or chemo, there will be a point where she is sick and tired of dealing with her treatments, and she's going to want something "normal," -- like just going out to lunch, or having lunch brought to her, or bringing her a Starbucks, watching a movie or something.

She's going to want to be just who she is, and not always identified by her breasts or by her cancer. She still wants to feel like a real person.

With her initial diagnosis, and during surgery, she'll get a swell of support from folks. The hard part is in the middle of chemo treatments or in the middle of radiation. People tend to drift away a little bit, but she's obviously still dealing with her illness. So, when things have calmed down, and everyone else has returned to "normal" life, that's the time to drop her a card and let her know you're still thinking of her and still praying for her. Don't make a big deal about it, but a simple card and a few words can mean so much!

One more thing, one of the neatest things I received as I was going into the hospital for surgery was a gift basket filled with silly, wonderful things. It was filled with magazines, sudoku puzzles, a roll of quarters for my husband (for vending machines at the hospital if needed), and a couple of pairs of funny, brightly colored socks. They made me laugh. The pink fuzzy ones especially, and you can bet I wore them with a smile.

Just remember simple, little things can sometimes bring the most joy.

How about you? What are your suggestions for supporting someone in need?

Just Keep Smiling

2011-03-10T09:16:00.000-06:00

Sometimes you just have to laugh, especially when things are going wrong. Well, to be fair, when things aren't going as planned. Isn't there an old saying that says something like "If you want to make God laugh, just tell Him your plans."

As a Christian, I'm more than happy to let God handle the planning and be in control. But sometimes the circumstances in our lives are just funny.

I'm not one to debate the "whys" of life. Why did I get cancer? Twice? Why didn't I marry my husband when we were in college, instead of a million years later? Why did my husband have to go through the pain of losing his first wife....and my kids losing their mother? We could go on with "why, why, why?" all day long. We will never know all the answers here on this earth. All we can do is develop as positive an attitude as possible, surround ourselves with family and friends, and our faith....and keep plowing through....making this life as good as we can make it.

But there are days when you'll just need a sense of humor about the whole thing. Yesterday was one of those days.

Yesterday was our wedding anniversary. Yay! I'm so blessed that after nine years of marriage, I love my husband more now than ever. Our union is strong. Like I posted on Facebook yesterday, I didn't really believe in soulmates until he and I married. Praise God. I also must congratulate my kids who have also put up with me for nine years. How wonderful it is to choose each other, and choose to love and care for each other as parent and child.

So, all of this is wonderful. And that's what stands out most. But usually, you take time on your anniversary to go to dinner and have a romantic time together. Yeah, not for us, not this year. Didn't happen.

I'm recovering from surgery (which I'll blog about soon), and while I'm doing very, very well, I'm not supposed to exert myself too much, and especially carry heavy things or put pressure on my arms and chest. So, I'm taking it easy. Then my poor hubby comes down with a flu or virus....he's coughing, congested, running a fever. All he can do is go to bed! If you know my hubby, he doesn't sit still for much. He can barely sit long enough to watch a movie! And he was in bed all day Tuesday!
His fever finally broke overnight into Wednesday, but he was still very low energy and not at the top of his game. We've spent most of our time at opposite ends of the house. The last thing I need recovering from surgery is to get sick.

So, on our anniversary, I'm sore and recovering, he's sick and lethargic... not exactly the dream day.
No romantic dinner for us...no candlelight and flowers.

But you know what? It was still a good day. We spent the day together, and laughed at our situation, and realized that we celebrate EVERY DAY of being together. We'll go out to dinner sometime soon. We'll have our candlelight and flowers on another day.

Yep, we'll always remember our ninth anniversary. And I'll remember it fondly...because it was another day spent with the man I love...and that's something I want to celebrate every day, not just once a year. :)

So, what about you? What's your favorite memory of something going wrong, but yet you were able to adapt and laugh through it?

It really is your attitude that can make your day better, or get you through the less than ideal situations.

Just keep smiling.

Detours and Roadblocks

2011-02-24T13:34:00.000-06:00

Wow, it's been a while since I've posted. Didn't mean to let so much time elapse between postings. Hopefully, I'll get better.
Lately, I've experienced a lot of roadblocks in my plans, actually roadblocks for life in general. One particular issue, which I will share with you soon, has lead me down a completely different path. In this case, the roadblocks were God-given, and detoured me to a much better place. Yay! So, not all roadblocks are bad. Some detours are more scenic than others and worth the hassle of being there.
What is frustrating me is getting past the roadblocks. You've just jumped over one and now you're merrily traveling down your new path, when another roadblock hits. This one is fairly minor, yet put together by all the recent detours, well, it just weighs you down.
Now I start to wonder what God is trying to teach me. Patience? Persistence? Perseverance? Ahhh.....the three P's. Wait, four P's -- Prayer. Maybe I'm not praying enough. I don't know.
With all of these roadblocks, how do you know when to quit or when to keep on going? How much is too much? That's what confuses me.
Right now, I'm hanging on to the notion that the recent roadblocks are good ones, and the detour is well worth it. I'm just ready for a "steady as she goes" path for a while. But that takes patience, persistence, perseverance and prayer. Sometimes we learn those lessons the hard way.

A New Year - what are you waiting for?

2011-01-06T20:24:00.000-06:00

The New Year has dawned, and we survived the holiday season. So, how are you doing on your new year's resolutions? Have some already gone by the wayside?

For me, I don't think I've even started yet. I'm still a little disorganized and not completely on my game plan for 2011. I feel like I've been running behind ever since we returned from spending Christmas out of town. Is life going on without me?

That may sound like an odd thing to ask. Yet here we are at day six of 2011 and I've attended my first memorial service. I've already had a doctor's check-up (which was good, thank God), and have celebrated my husband's birthday.

So when, during that time, have I had a chance to get to "normal"? To start with a scheduled routine of day-to-day activities? Nothing has seemed normal so far.

But I suppose, in many ways, this is normal. Life has gone on...even death has come and that's part of our life cycle.

And tonight, I sit with my author friend at our weekly writing night - the first one of the new year. I nearly cancelled after an emotional afternoon at the memorial service. But I didn't. I'm here and I'm writing.

Hey, maybe the routine has finally begun. :)

That's it! That's what my new years resolution is going to be: Just show up! Make an effort, even if it doesn't fit perfectly into your plans, even if distractions keep tugging at you. It's time to get going... to jump into the cycle of life, whether you're "prepared" or not.

You never know what's going to happen when you just show up.

Bring it on 2011!

Reaching Out

2010-12-21T14:23:00.000-06:00

Are there ever times when you are overwhelmed by the people in your life? Overwhelmed in a good way, I mean. Overwhelmed by their love, kindness, willingness to go the extra mile in the spirit of friendship and fellowship?

That's happening to me right now. And I am indeed overwhelmed, feeling so blessed and so grateful to have these friends in my life.

I'm not always good at reaching out. I tend to be a private person, and it takes a lot for me to open up. I don't ever want to be the one that when my friends see my caller ID, they groan because there's something else I need. I think that's why I sometimes hesitate to ask for help. I never want to burden my friends. Yet, I want my friends to lean on me if they have a need. In the long run, it really is a two-way street.

It's taken me a little while to learn this lesson: to open up, to trust, and just to share. But right now, I'm feeling the blessings and the love, and the goodness of God that is coming from the friends and family around me, just because we've taken the time to share together and trust.

I love that God brings people into our lives just when we need them...and most times when we least expect them.

So, take a moment and reach out to someone. Even if it's through email or a Facebook post. Let them know you care. Then you'll find that it is true: It is so much more fun to give than to receive!
Happy Christmas, friends!

The Holiday Season

2010-12-10T21:08:00.000-06:00

Doesn't it seem like from Thanksgiving to the end of the year, life moves at a very hectic pace? Thanksgiving seems to sneak up on us, then all of the sudden we're in the whirlwind of the holidays. This year, that whirlwind included an open house that we threw for 60 guests, and includes our son's (and his girlfriend's) college graduation. Literally, there's something going on every weekend until the new year. Plus, both my hubby and I have had pretty rotten colds. Nothing like sinus pressure to throw you completely off your groove!

But we keep plugging away. I'm trying to enjoy everything about Christmas and not stress over the details. Our open house was hectic, crazy, crowded and fun! We are so blessed to have been in the DFW area for only three years and have all of these wonderful people share an afternoon and evening with us. God is good.

I'm slowly learning that it's okay to reach out to people even when things aren't going well. I always try to be so positive and don't want to burden folks with my problems or hurts or discouragement. Yet this blog alone has proven to me that people want to help, to lend an ear, or even just a shoulder. But I've also learned you need to be there in return. Isn't that what friendship is all about? Heck, isn't that what human kindness is all about?

So, don't stress this year. Let's keep showing that human kindness. Enjoy every moment of the craziness, family, food, and friends! As Seals and Crofts once said: We may never pass this way again.

God's blessings for a wonderful Christmas and very happy new year!

Thanksgiving

2010-11-24T15:00:00.000-06:00

Be thankful in all things. Even the tough stuff... there's usually good that comes out from the other side of the bad.

Be blessed!

I Don't Wanna Play Anymore...maybe...

2010-11-02T19:55:00.000-05:00

As you can tell by my infrequent posts, I'm sick of talking about cancer. I'm sick of thinking about it...there are days I wished it never touched my life. I guess it's not uncommon to feel that. But when cancer struck me a second time, in a much more serious and scary way, I was bound and determined to be positive about it, to make that time, as frightening and painful as it was, be worth something. I wanted to feel renewed and have an eternal optimism for life.

All in all, yes, I'm very positive, and yes, I love life. But there are days I just don't want to play in the cancer sandbox any more.

As my husband has to remind me periodically, I don't have cancer anymore. It's gone. They took it out. That's why I had a mastectomy, changed my body...and whether I acknowledge it or want to acknowledge it, it changed me.

But I'm done with that now. I'm ready to move on. Except visits to my doctor every three months (although the reports are good!), and now a recent visit to my plastic surgeon to finally discuss reconstruction options, I'm done with this. These visits keep reminding me of this insidious disease. Heck, looking in the mirror reminds me of this disease! Still, I have to believe I'm done and there's more to do.

So, where do I go from here? How do I cope? I started this blog with the idea of providing encouragement, hope and a positive attitude. But there are times when I get tired of thinking about it all. I just want to be a "normal" person again. I guess in many ways, I have yet to adjust to my "new" normal...whatever that may be.

Of course, I could be in this frame of mind because I'm about to have a "job" change -- and 2011 is going to be totally different. I get to do what most people can never imagine doing... I get to pursue my dream full time. I'm currently serving as vice-president for ACFW (American Christian Fiction Writers...check us out at www.acfw.com), and my term ends at the end of December. I've stepped back from most of my other volunteer things, and with the exception of a few paying contract jobs, I am free to write starting in 2011. Whew...that's exciting, yet daunting, in a lot of ways. I'm just hoping and praying I have the stamina and gift it takes to complete a manuscript or two!

It's weird... sometimes I feel like I cope better with things that are out of my control. Like getting cancer. I HAD to have surgery, I had to deal with poking and proding from doctors...and yes, while it's a roller coaster ride, you know you have to go along for that ride.

Now, things are back in my control, so to speak (as a Christian, I know God is in control)... but with my writing dreams: I have to sit my butt down in my chair every day and have my hands on the keyboard and get to work...creating and writing, even when my muse has abandoned me and the last thing I want to do is create and write. It's then I have to remind myself that when it flows, the writing is so sweet and there's nothing else in the world I want to do. I have to trust that God gave me this gift, so He'll use it for His purpose. Even that knowledge doesn't make it any less scary or intimidating.

This is my chance to live the rest of my life. My cancer is gone, and by God's grace, it's gone forever! Now is the time to follow my dreams, not procrastinate and not waste this life. So, while I'm tired of talking cancer, maybe it's purpose is to lead me to this next phase...the "pursuing my dreams" phase. And if my writing is fuller and deeper, and helps just one person in any part of their own life journey, then it's worth it all.

Okay, 2011 -- bring it on. I may have to detour for more surgery, but the reconstructive kind, so that may be positive in the long run...then hopefully the writing will come, the words will hit the page. Who knows, maybe that will be reflected through this blog as well. Shall we continue on this journey?

Let's go!

Keep on truckin' everyone!

The Pinking of America

2010-10-15T09:09:00.000-05:00

It's October, and you can't help but notice there's A LOT of pink around. I heard the expression that it's the "pinking of America." So true. October is Breast Cancer Awareness month. Turning everything pink in October has been a very successful campaign in making folks aware of breast cancer. Unless you live in a cave, I'm sure you're aware of breast cancer.
But there's a doctor out there, Dr. Susan Love, who has partnered with Avon, to create an organization called "Army of Women." Her goal is not just to bring awareness of breast cancer, but to actually find a cause and a cure. Then take the next step and PREVENT breast cancer all together. She's trying to dig deeper, get studies funded, get volunteers for studies, and do whatever it takes to eradicate this disease forever. So, while I applaud the pinking of America in October, and yes, I'm even wearing my pink rubber bracelet this month, I must applaud folks like Dr. Love and the Army of Women program even more. Awareness is one thing, a very good thing, but finding the cause, cure, and complete ERADICATION of this hideous disease would be even better.
www.armyofwomen.org

Waiting on Life

2010-08-25T15:39:00.000-05:00

So, here I sit, one-year later.... one year of being cancer free and adjusting to my new body. But how well have I really adjusted to my new life?

After surviving a life-threatening disease, you come out of it renewed, ready to live life to the maximum. You're ready to fulfill your purpose. I wanted to awaken each day and fulfill what God's plans were for me.

And I think I'm failing at that miserably...

More often than not, I'm the queen of procrastination. My main goal in life is to be a writer. I've started three books, but have yet to finish them. I even refer to myself as a writer, however it seems I'm doing anything but that. I am very involved in ACFW, which is American Christian Fiction Writers (www.acfw.com). Being around those other writers is inspiring and makes me feel like I truly belong. Here in DFW, we have a local ACFW chapter, which is the DFW Ready Writers (waving to you all!). It's wonderful to be friends with other writers, as we all understand each other, and know that it's okay to have voices in your head! (As in, our characters are usually talking to us!). I'm blessed with all of these people.

But I feel like I'm blowing my opportunities! I'm wasting the time I've been given, and letting all my other "jobs" get in the way. Being on the board of ACFW is just an excuse not to write. I'm doing everything in and around the writing world, except for writing! I'm very frustrated with myself.

My local writing buddies: RK, MO, JO, LG, KG, and JT are terrific and inspiring. I just hope they don't give up on me as I work my way through this avoidance or procrastination... whatever it is that's stopping me these days.

Oh yeah, I'm moving this weekend...But that's just another excuse.

I said to myself I'll write after I heal from my surgery, or when I'm finished with my term on the board of ACFW, or I'll write after I get moved and settled, or I'll write after our national conference in a few weeks. It's like I'm waiting for everything to line up perfectly so I can sit down and write.

Well, life isn't going to wait on me. So, why am I waiting on life to do what I really want to do? Especially after last year -- You think I would've learned something. I should be living my life fully. Everyone should be...

Don't wait on life. It's always going to be a little messy and there will always be something that comes up and interrupts your schedule. We just need to work through that. I want to do the work that God has called me to do. So, I pray that my local writing buddies will bear with me -- that they will continue to support me and even kick my backside on occasion to keep me going.

Isn't that what friends are for?

One Year!

2010-08-17T13:42:00.002-05:00

August 17, 2010 -- One year cancer-free. :)

Rejoicing and thanking God.

Ups and Downs

2010-08-09T16:14:00.000-05:00

The thing about writing a blog is I'm supposed to be open and revealing with my feelings. Well, that's something that isn't always easy for me. (My hubby and kids may disagree with that!). I try to be a very positive person, and not one who complains all the time. It's rare that I show when things aren't going well. Part of "Living life after cancer" is that although you're so happy to still be here and loving life, there are feelings and emotions from the past that can back-up on you.

Right now, my husband and I are very blessed. Things are going well for us, we're buying a wonderful new home, and things are good. So, why is it during this time that I'm waiting for the other shoe to drop? I HATE that! I don't want anything to steal my joy right now. Life is precious. Why waste it waiting for the bad stuff to happen? I hate the cancer has brought that to me.

There are days, like one I had recently, when the feelings of what we were going through a year ago at this time hit me hard and backed-up on me. The fear that I felt came flooding in, overwhelming all the good that's in my life right now. As a Christian, I almost feel guilty about having that fear in the first place, when I firmly believe that God is in control.

On this particular day, my sweet husband could tell something was up with me, and he encouraged me to quit fighting it, and to go with the flow. Let the feelings come. If that meant breaking dishes, having a good cry, or whatever, just go with it. You know, there are days where I wish I was the drama-queen type and I would totally lose it and smash every dish in the house. But that doesn't work for me. However, talk to my husband, kids, or anyone who knows me well, you'll know that I cry at the drop of a hat. I cry when I'm happy, when I'm sad, when I'm angry, when I'm frustrated, and when I'm being blessed! It is the one way I let out my emotions. When you tell me to go with the flow -- look out! That means tears will be flowing.

When hubby encouraged me to let it out this day when my fear and feelings backed up on me, I sat there and had a good cry. God and I also had a few words through all of this, and for a few days after.

Of course, my husband was right. Instead of stuffing my feelings, my tears actually washed them away. So did talking to God. I don't want fear to overwhelm my joy. It's a terrible way to live. It was time to put that fear at God's feet and just trust. Sometimes that's so difficult to do, but it's something we must learn to do.
I'm not saying I won't have difficult days in the future. I'm sure I will. I just don't want to waste my joyous days worrying about what may or may not happen down the road.

For me, that's what trusting God is all about. I may still have my ups and downs, but as long as I trust Him, and enjoy every single blessing that He gives us, then we'll get it through it. And guess what? Before you know it, you'll have many more happy days than you do the tough days.

And I like these happy days!

Keep on truckin' everyone!

Birthdays are a Blessing

2010-07-21T13:22:00.000-05:00

I just had my birthday a couple of days ago. By habit, I almost began to dread it, and that's just because I was focused on that "number." But very, very quickly, my attitude changed. Birthdays are a blessing! I had to tell that to myself once or twice, but it sunk in. I only had to remember what it felt like a year ago.

Last year, two days before my birthday, we received my sarcoma diagnosis. Round #2 with cancer was here. I wrote in my journal "Back on the Roller Coaster." That's what battling cancer is like - a roller coaster ride. There are so many ups and downs, thrills and scary parts, and yep, even some laughter. But it's all there. It's quite a ride.

This year on my birthday, it was difficult remembering where we were a year ago. Difficult in the sense that all those emotions are still simmering just below the surface. It was so easy to recall how we felt in 2009. We were facing such an unknown.

But it's already been a year since diagnosis. In some ways it seems like yesterday, but for the most part, it feels like a year. So much has happened. And the roller coaster ride has definitely settled down to a straight-away. Only a few dips and curves recently.

It was quite a year, birthday-to-birthday. In the long run, I'm glad to have that first year behind me. To know I'm able to keep moving forward.

Although being on the cancer roller coaster has changed me (how could it not!), I still feel like me. Yes, there are physical changes because of the surgery, but I have to laugh today because my biggest complaint is my weight! Gee, that doesn't sound any different than most of the women I know. So, I'm changed, yet I'm "normal."

My sweet husband was looking at me last (really looking), and he said "I don't know why we were so worried about this." (This indicating my chest). He stated that my surgery didn't make any difference. He said "you're still here -- and you're still you."

So, bring on the birthdays -- bring on the blessings of every day. A few more scars don't make a difference in my every day life -- heck, I hope they make me even stronger. I'm a survivor.

God is good and Birthdays are a blessing.

Keep on Truckin' everyone...

Bravery and the "new" Normal

2010-07-06T15:15:00.000-05:00

My daughter said the coolest thing to me the other day – she commented that I had been through so much over the last year and that she could tell I was very brave and getting braver. What a nice thing to hear! (Of course, I’m blessed with awesome kids.)

But she got me to thinking … am I brave? While undergoing testing and surgery, you almost have no choice but to go with the flow and get through everything. You have to suck it up, find courage and deal with it all.

Now, all of that is done. And I’m facing the question of how am I going to spend the rest of my life. This “new” normal is tricky some days. Yes, you want to take the bull by the horns and just go for it in life. Yet other times, well, it’s difficult to make plans. You’re almost afraid to plan too far into the future and get your hopes up. It takes a long time for this cloud of cancer to quit hanging above your head. In the back of your mind, you wonder is my cancer coming back? Am I really through with all of this?

I know what many of you are thinking: then why not go for the gusto with your life? It seems so easy, doesn’t it?

Well, maybe this is all a good sign that I’m getting back to “normal.” (As my doctor said today: Normal is good. We like normal and boring!). Right now, I’m more concerned about putting together a perfect book proposal to present to an editor that I had a casual conversation with last week. Hence, the reason my daughter said I was getting braver. I’m not sure I would’ve had the nerve to ask about sending her a book proposal before this. I’m nervous about continuing my writing career – about really making a go of it. Yet, I can’t quite imagine doing anything else.

So, in reality, I guess I’m no different than anyone else contemplating their future. Wow – is this really what normal feels like??

If so, then it’s time to let this fear go – ALL OF IT! Fear of cancer, fear of failure…fear of success…. It’s time to show just how brave I can be. Of course, there is no bravery – there is no courage without God.

God and my faith ARE my “new” normal.

Courageous Warriors

2010-06-24T20:11:00.000-05:00

If anyone knows a little about me they know I'm a tennis fan -- well, more like -- fanatic. My husband refers to himself as a "tennis widower" when the Grand Slams roll around. To all you spouses who complain about being "football widows," you've got nothing compared to my poor hubby when tennis is on! I've been known to rearrange my entire sleep schedule just to watch all the action "live." It's rough when it's the Australian Open.

Wimbledon is going on right now. And like a lot of people, it's difficult not to overlook the event of the last three days at the tournament: the amazing, record-shattering, marathon match between American John Isner and France's Nicolas Mahut. Go to any sports page or Wimbledon.org and you can see the mind-blowing statistics that have re-written the history books. It's one of those very rare matches when you're sad it's over because they're has to be a winner and a loser. In reality, there were no losers today. Nicolas Mahut has no reason to hang his head. Both Mahut and Isner were warriors, on another level, showing the best of competition, sportsmanship, and courage. It's one of the reasons I like tennis so much. You can leave it all out there on the court, yet you shake hands with your opponent at the end of the day.

Most of us know that you need to be courageous when fighting cancer. Whether you're the patient or the loved one, courage is a must, along with the courage to leave it all in God's hands. And I hope I'm respectful during the battle and once the battle is complete. I hope to be polite, courteous, and respectful of the doctors and nurses, and all those who take part in my care. All the way to the accounting office when there's confusion on a bill -- I hope I don't take my frustrations out on the poor woman calling me when there's been a billing error.

In life, I hope I am courageous -- courageous enough to hang in there when the seas are rough, or courageous enough to go for it and take a chance on my dreams. To train, put in the difficult work, and be gracious no matter what.

Isner and Mahut could've quit on their dreams. Or even quit during this tennis match and the world would've been without this great day in sports. But instead they were their own kind of champion for over 11 hours of unprecedented tennis. No one lost today. Eventually, I hope this match will be a sweet memory for Mahut as I know it will be for Isner. We are all richer for witnessing their drama.

I want to live my life going for my dreams, fighting the hard fight, yet walking away a winner just in the way I've conducted myself and treated those around me. If in my everyday life, through my writing, and having the courage to put it all out there can touch someone because I didn't quit, well, then I know I'm living my life the way God intended.

I want to always be that kind of courageous warrior.

Re-Birthday - A devotional

2010-06-11T13:17:00.000-05:00

Whether we like it or not, birthdays keep coming. How do you celebrate your birthday? Do you dread it – knowing there are a few more wrinkles or more gray hair? Do you just feel “old?” Or do you say, Thank you, God. Thank you for my time here, serving you.

I had cancer last year. My diagnosis came two days before my birthday. And does something like that change your perspective about your birthday! Suddenly my age didn’t matter. In fact, on my birthday, I didn’t think about the number, about how old I was turning. What originally had been “uh oh, I’m making the turn for the downhill slide toward 50”, very quickly became “I’m too young.” I’m too young to be faced with another bout of cancer that could kill me. There’s so much more I had left to do.

So, this year’s birthday became my “re-birthday.” A time to re-dedicate myself to Christ. A time to say: Am I doing what God wants me to do here on earth? Am I dedicating myself to God in my everyday life, in how I live my life? Does it reflect Him? Is His light shining through me?

Hebrews, Chapter 12, verse 2 says very simply: “Let us fix our eyes on Jesus.”

But we know we’re all sinners. There are days when we fall short. Yet as Christians, we know if we ask, God will forgive us and wipe the slate clean. Does that mean there aren’t any consequences for our actions? No. We know better than that. Sometimes what we do can leave scars.

Now, I’m real familiar with scars. Over 25 years ago, I was in a motorcycle accident. Riding on the back of my then-boyfriend’s bike on a wonderful summer day. A pick-up truck turned in front of us and we had nowhere to go. We slid sideways into the truck.

I had a compound fracture of my right femur and ended up having four operations on my leg. As you can imagine, that left a scar—quite a long one – that goes from my knee all the way up to the top of my leg. My husband calls it my zipper.
Now, I have more scars across my chest. There are two ways you can look at scars. It’s easy to look at scars and believe they’re ugly and disfiguring. With scars, you know you’ll never look the same way again as you did before.

Or you can look at scars as a sign of strength and survival, as God’s blessing. You may ask yourself “What? Scars as a blessing? After the trauma that caused them?”
Yes, scars are a blessing. My scars tell me that I’m still here. That God carried me through those surgeries, and that He has work for me to do here on earth.

I remember the day, after I got home from the hospital from having my mastectomy. My husband and I chose to look at my chest together – to look at my scars. I think we were both so worried about how the other one would react, that we didn’t think much about our own reaction!

In the long run, my husband said I was beautiful. He told me that every time he saw those scars, he would be thankful, because it meant that I was still here. My scars are a blessing. They remind us every day how present God is in our life. God is always working through us.

There’s a wonderful old hymn, written in 1922:
Turn your eyes upon Jesus
Look full in his wonderful face
And the things of earth will go strangely dim
In the light of His glory and grace

So, on my next birthday, as I continue my downhill run toward 50, I’m not going to moan about my gray hair, or the deepening of my crow’s feet. I want to have a re-birthday. I want it to be a celebration, and a re-dedication of my life to God. He gave me this life, and I want to use it for His purpose.

As I mentioned, my diagnosis came two days before my birthday, which was a Friday. I had already talked with my doctor, and was grappling with the emotional side of being told I had cancer again. Then the mail came. There was a package from my mother – a birthday present.

With tears still in my eyes from hearing the devastating cancer news, I opened my present. Inside was a silver necklace. And on it was one word: BELIEVE.

Mom later told me she doesn’t know why she sent me the necklace. It had been a gift to her. But she doesn’t wear silver…ever. So, it was just sitting in her jewelry box, never to be worn. As my birthday approached, Mom thought she’d send it to me, not knowing it would arrive on such an awful day.

Yet, although I was facing a long journey with cancer, and facing another birthday, there, in my hands, was a reminder to stay strong and believe.

Believe that God has a plan for your life. Enjoy every moment of getting older. You can’t go back anyway. I’m excited to see what God has in store for me. So, on my birthday, or any day, I want to take time to thank God for my life and to re-dedicate myself to Him. To really dedicate myself to what His will is for me. I may show a few battle scars from life, but if my eyes are focused on Him, then His light will shine. His light is more beautiful than any cosmetic I can apply anyway. It’s not just a birthday; I want to have a re-birthday -- focused on Him --- and just BELIEVE.

So, how will you celebrate your next birthday?

A New Routine?

2010-05-30T16:30:00.000-05:00

With my recent good news of clear scans, I'm trying to get back to "normal." However, resuming a normal routine is not as easy as it sounds, at least for me.

When you're first diagnosed with cancer, all you want to have is your normal routine, even though in reality, your life is anything but routine or normal. Gradually, cancer sucks you into its world, a world of hospitals, doctors, appointments, treatment options, overwhelming information to process, and difficult decisions to make. Your routine is definitely disrupted.

By the time you get through surgery, any follow-up treatments, and you're into recovery and received the blessing of great news, it takes a while to re-engage and to realize the doctor visits are a little less frequent and there are no more treatment decisions to make. You can return to your real life, to have control again (although we all know the God is the one in control.)

So, what do I do from here? How can you go back to being normal when nothing feels normal anymore? Trust me, this isn't a complaint. It's a good issue to have. And I'm slowly re-engaging. It just feels strange sometimes to be "normal" again and try to find that routine of life.

I can't help but think: Now, that I've gone through all this cancer stuff, how do I spend the rest of my life?

God is in control.

Keep on truckin' everyone!

Rejoicing with Happy News

2010-05-20T20:23:00.000-05:00

This week has been a long one, but a good one. I had an MRI on Monday and a chest/arm CT yesterday. And praise God, praise God -- everything is clear, normal, no signs of anything! My doctors seem very pleased. This is obviously the best news we've received since last summer. I'm clear! What a blessing!

It's odd how a week like this makes you feel. I've alluded to the roller coaster ride before. It's still a roller coaster ride. Tests and doctors and needles, surprisingly, wear you out. By the time you receive the positive reports, you don't know whether to laugh, cry, get drunk, or have dessert! For me, I've laughed a little, cried a little, and had some wine. No dessert yet... :)

It truly is a joyous day - to really say I'm cancer-free. I have the gift of my health and my life. As much of a blow as it is to hear the diagnosis of cancer, and the spiral it puts your life in, it's just as mind-boggling trying to pull yourself out of that. Finding your real life again -- it's a journey.

I guess that's the point of this blog. Cancer changes you. Your perspective on life changes. It is the "new normal." I don't want to take anything for granted. I want to do the work God has intended for me here on earth. It's time to get to it, and not live every day with the cancer cloud hanging over my head.

The Bible verse I cling to is familiar to many of us: Jeremiah 29:11.
It says: "For I know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future."
As wonderful as these words are, I think my favorite verses are 12 and 13, which say: "Then you will call upon me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you. (13) You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart." (NIV)

We sought God with all of our hearts and He listened to our prayers. He blessed us immensely from the day of diagnosis through the good news today. The least I can do is take this gift of a new life and do my best for Him. To live the life God intended for me.

I have work to do and I need to get to it...as soon as I finish my celebratory wine! Cheers! :)

Keep on truckin' everyone.

Caring for the Care-Giver

2010-05-13T13:06:00.000-05:00

One of the most difficult things with having cancer was worrying about my husband and family. I think they have the hardest job. Yes, I was enduring surgery, and previously, radiation. But I had doctors, nurses, and others taking good care of me, and I really had no choice with what I had to go through as the patient. I was just along for the ride. But being the spouse of someone battling this disease is often times worse than being the patient. It's so difficult to sit on the sidelines and watch your loved one in pain or going through surgery. There's nothing worse than that helpless feeling. Who takes care of the care-giver?

No matter how many times I told my husband to take a break or make sure he was in good shape, he'd always say "It's not about me right now."
Well, in my mind, it was about him. He marvels that people from our church came to sit with him and pray during my surgery. He doesn't understand that having our friends with him so he wouldn't be alone made ME feel better. I wanted him to feel love and supported. It doesn't do us any good as patients to watch our loved ones run themselves ragged.

While being a cancer patient is often a lonely road, I believe being the spouse or a loved-one of a cancer patient is often lonelier and scarier.

The next time you go see a sick friend, or visit a patient in the hospital, make sure you take the time to do something special for the spouse of that patient. Let them know they really aren't alone and that people care about them as much as they care about the patient. Take them out for coffee and let them talk. Listen to them. They have just as many fears as the cancer patient does. Maybe more...

Take care of the care-giver. It's good medicine for all of us.

Keep on truckin' everyone!

Scars

2010-05-10T22:36:00.000-05:00

Scars. I don't think there are any of us who haven't dealt with scars one way or the other -- whether physical scars or emotional ones. Right now, I think I'm wrestling with both.

I'm used to scars. I was in a motorcycle accident when I was 20 years old, and ended up with a compound fracture of my right femur and had four operations on my leg. Thankfully, I walk, talk and can go dancing. With physical therapy, I was nearly good as new. By the way, I think physical therapists are fantastic! They're very special folks and really do their best to get you back to "normal." Again, after any accident or surgery, there's a "new normal." However, if there's a "normal" to get to, your PT's will help you get there!

Ok, I digress...The result of my leg surgery were scars. I have one that goes from my knee to the top of my leg. My hubby calls it my zipper. This scar really only bothered me in the summer -- when I'd wear shorts or a swimsuit. But it didn't take long for me to dress how I wanted and not worry about hiding my zipper. I didn't want my scars to run my life.

Now, I have more scars across my chest. Of course, these are easier to hide. But they're still there.

There are two ways you can look at scars. It’s easy to look at scars and believe they’re ugly and disfiguring. With scars, you know you’ll never look the same way again as you did before.

Or you can look at scars as a sign of strength and survival, as God’s blessing. You may ask yourself “What? Scars as a blessing? After the trauma that caused them?”

Yes, scars are a blessing. My scars tell me that I’m still here. After a while, I learned to look at my scars as a sign of strength and survival. Going through that accident and the recovery, and going through cancer not once, but twice, has made me realize I was stronger than I thought I was.
That God carried me through those surgeries, and that He has work for me to do here on earth.

Would I feel that faith and feel this strength had I not gone through these experiences? I was talking with my cousin last week. In future blog posts, I hope to share more about my cousins. We are blessed to be a part of the same family, as most of us choose to go beyond just being cousins, and choose to be brothers, sisters and friends.

So, I was chatting with my special cousin-sister. She fights her own daily battle against a physically debilitating disease: arthritis.
This is not the disease just for aging. She's had this as long as I can remember, and has to deal with physical pain and the crippling effects every single day. But she told me, she wouldn't be the same person without this disease. It has made her stronger, made her the person she is today. And I must say, she is beautiful, strong, and sunshine in our lives. If you didn't know what she battles every day, you would think she didn't have a care in the world. She is such a bright light, and like me, would credit family and faith for getting her through her days.

My cousin and I have a kinship. She was also in a serious accident when she was younger. And now we know we are more beautiful for what we've endured, despite the physical changes on the outside. We are blessed to have our family, to have our faith and prayers for each other, and blessed to have our scars, both inside and out. We're stronger for our pain, and know God will use this for His purpose in those around us.

I'm thankful for my cousins and the scars we share.

Keep on truckin' everyone.

The Rollercoaster

2010-05-05T16:44:00.000-05:00

I've always thought of this journey of dealing with cancer as a roller coaster ride. One minute you're up, the next you're down. One minute, you're strong and you can beat this thing, and the next you're shouting at God saying "Why me?" One day there's a doctor sharing grim news, and the next there's a doctor providing hope.

Living after cancer is not much different than living a "normal" life (whatever normal is). We're all on the roller coaster of life. There are good days and bad days, calm seas, and rough ones. I guess life would be pretty boring if it wasn't a bit of a roller coaster ride. It reminds me of that scene in the movie "Parenthood" from 1989 with Steve Martin, where Martin's grandmother is talking about how exhilirating, frightening and sickening the roller coaster was as compared to the merry-go-round, where it just goes around. She preferred the roller coaster. Well, the roller coaster is life. I've always thougth you can't appreciate the good times without going through the bad times.

So, the point of this is that I'm back on a small roller coaster ride. I went to see my cancer doc yesterday because of the swelling in my arm. Again, it's not the side where the cancer was and where they removed lymph nodes. That's where you'd expect some swelling, but that side looks great. It's my other arm that is swelling. To quote my doctor, "Well, that's weird!" Yep, it's weird and unusual. I had the rare, unusual cancer, now I'm having a weird, unusual swelling in the wrong arm.

I'm having a chest CT in two weeks (the cancer I had is one that likes to go to the lungs, so although we believe we got all of it during surgery, we are watching things closely). My chest CT has now been modified to include my left arm. We all think I'm just retaining fluid. My hubby and I have determined that the massage therapy we learned during my Physical and Occupational Therapy already helps. So it may come down to where I have to wear a compression sleeve on that side.

That's not the greatest news, but not the worst news. I hate my compression sleeve that I have to wear when I fly. Now, it looks like I'll have to wear one on both arms. But if that's the worst of this, then it's okay. It's annoying but not life-threatening. Just another twist and turn on this roller coaster of life after cancer.

Keeping a positive attitude is difficult somedays. But, in thinking about my attitude in recent weeks, I realized I was forgetting to pray. I was so wrapped up in my discouragement, I didn't seek the right kind of help by being prayerful. So, as I'm getting dressed after my appointment, I thanked God for my husband, my wonderful doctor, and for the blessings of good medical care. Compression sleeves aside, life is still okay.

On another positive note, as I said, the massage we learned seems to help keep the fluid moving. So that means my hubby must massage me every day. It's a very particular kind of massage, but hey -- he's touching me daily. And it's become a sweet one-on-one time for us. See -- there are always good things along the way!

Keep on truckin' everyone!

Bosom Buddies

2010-05-02T15:16:00.000-05:00

A friend of mine was just diagnosed with DCIS. For those who don't know, DCIS stands for Ductal Carcinoma In-Situ. If you have to get breast cancer, well, this is the one to get. It's very treatable, very curable if caught early. My friend has had the biopsy, awaiting the MRI, then whatever treatment plan comes from there. I'm guessing lumpectomy and probably radiation.

She'll do just fine. She has a strong faith, a wonderful family, and friends who will love and support her. She has a great sense of humor, too, which you definitely need.

She's putting on a brave face, and she is brave, don't get me wrong. But I also can see the fear in her eyes, and I know how overwhelming it all can be. I want to help her and support her. I want to reassure her she WILL get through all of this. I don't know the best way to do this for her, but I guess number one is just to listen. When she wants to talk, let her talk.

Her experience will differ from mine, just because we're different people. However, listening and being there is something we all can do for a friend, especially if we've been through the same thing.

I don't want to smother my friend, nor do I want to ignore her. I want to reassure her -- hold her hand, remind her that this is all treatable and survivable. After all, she's now joined this exclusive club that none of us wanted to join. But here we are -- Bosom Buddies, so to speak.

So as her Bosom Buddy, I'll be there when she wants me there, and I'll leave her be when she needs time on her own. Most of all, I'll do my best to listen to her, pray for her, and just be a good friend.

I guess this is something we should do for all the people in our lives -- be a friend.

Keep on truckin' everyone!

2010-04-29T09:11:00.000-05:00

I'm "normal" today!

I know the theme of this blog is the "new" normal, which is dealing with my new physical body, making decisions about reconstructive surgery, visiting doctors every three months for the next couple of years, etc., etc.

But after yesterday's post on feeling discouraged, I realized I'm "normal," at least for today - hee hee. I'm not alone in feeling discouraged or upset that I have aches and pains preventing me from exercising, or a sinus headache like no end this morning.

This past weekend, hubby and I attended a wedding and a funeral. As my aunt so aptly said: it was the circle of life. So, it's part of life to be frustrated or discouraged. It's normal today that I have a deadline for my job and am battling a sinus headache.

So, because I had cancer do I get to crawl under a rock? Nope -- one has nothing to do with the other. Which is why I'm normal today. I'll have to do what hundreds of other people have to do today -- take my medicine and plow through to complete my work. Since my boss commented on yesterday's post, I for sure better buckle down and "get 'er done!"

But I want to take a moment to thank everyone for their wonderful comments and words of encouragement. I don't know what possessed me to start this blog thing. It's difficult for me to express my feelings and put it all out there. But the comments yesterday and wonderful words have lifted my spirits, and once again, showed me how blessed I am. Y'all won't judge me forever as a negative person because I have a discouraging day. Thank you for that. Oh, for those reading me on blogger, most of my comments came via Facebook. But thank you to all for being encouragers and for your kind words and prayers.

Finally, although I'm just a normal, average person, maybe my experiences can help someone else not feel so alone. That may have been my goal in starting this, but yesterday proved that I received the blessing.

Okay-- medicine taken -- let's pray the sinus headache recedes, and onward I go to complete my work for the day. This day which is a "normal" day!

Keep on truckin' everyone! :)

2010-04-28T14:43:00.000-05:00

Discouraged today... And parts of this are quite whiney, so forgive me in advance.

I'm generally a very positive person. Even after my mastectomy last summer and dealing with those wretched, awful drains, I tried to stay positive. I was happy that overall I had very little pain from the surgery, that I wouldn't have to go through chemotherapy (Praise God!). It seemed like we got all the cancer so now was the time to just focus on recovery.

Yes, having sarcoma of the breast changed me. No doubt about that. Now, I wanted to be very purposeful and intentional with my life. I felt God's blessings all over this entire situation. So, let's take those blessings and run!

But then there are days like today. I don't want to be whiney -- especially when overall I have it SO good! But today I am discouraged. I've been trying to exercise more, take good care of myself, really make the most of things. But it seems like nothing but roadblocks are in my way. I mean, gheez, how long does it take an immune system to build back up from surgery!!!

So, I'm finally working on an exercise program I really enjoy. I'm getting into it, really trying to focus on just feeling good. In February, I got bronchitis. Both my hubby and I were down with that one. And it was the cough that lingered and lingered. It didn't want to go away. Okay-- so we work our way through that. Then I get tendonitis in my foot. I do some more stretching and get through that. THEN -- I strain a muscle in my back. That was two weeks ago, and it still hurts! Damn exercise. Is this what happens when you try to get healthy?! This morning, I wake up with a sore throat and clogged sinuses. Whaa... poor me. I suppose overall, this is just life. So, we'll get past all of these, and I PROMISE to quit whining about it all. I hate how this sounds. Time to shut up and pray!

But along with the back and sinus issue this week, I have some swelling. Here's where the "new normal" comes in when living after cancer. Muscle strains and coughs are part of daily life. But swelling is a different story. I have swelling in my upper arm and under my arm. After a mastectomy, swelling is not good. The kicker is the swelling is on my non-cancer side! If I was swelling on the side where my sarcoma was, then we'd think lymphedema. It's something we watch for once they take your lymph nodes under your arm to check if the cancer has spread.

This is different being in my "healthy" arm. For now, hubby and I are treating the swelling like we would with the other side. My occupational therapist showed us massage we could do to keep fluid moving. We've focused on my right side (cancer side) up til now -- and now we're doing both arms. And it's helped. I've increased my water intake. I'm back to at least walking, even though exercise bites my back. My left arm originally looked about 2-inches larger than the right. Now, after only a few days of intense massage and water-drinking, it's looking better, and more even with the other arm.

We have an appointment with my doctor on Tuesday. I'm sure I'll feel silly, because the swelling will have gone down. But, I guess we have to double-check because of the swelling under my arm, near my breast area, near the surgical site.

So, onward we go... despite feeling discouraged. Thanks for reading through this anyway. Sometimes I just want to wallow in my whininess -- but I know the thing to do is shut up, pray, and get busy working on something -- anything -- to keep moving forward.

Overall, that's the goal -- keep moving forward. Enjoy every moment of this life I've been given. I wish there weren't discouraging days... but it's going to happen -- whether you've had cancer or not.

Onward we go...

2010-04-27T22:21:00.000-05:00

My Cancer History

A little bit more about me and my history. I was diagnosed with breast cancer (DCIS) in June 2004. I had a lumpectomy and 7 weeks of radiation. Believe me, I did all I could to move on very quickly from that and put it behind me. I hated radiation! By week six, I was in misery, and couldn't wait to be done with the entire ordeal.

Of course, that inspired me to write about it, with the help of my husband. You can read more of our story in Chicken Soup for the Soul: The Cancer Book (released March 2009).

After that, I happily put cancer behind me. Truthfully, I felt like I "got off easy." I had fairly minor surgery, and despite how I hated radiation, I did not have to have chemo. I was still me and ready to move on with my life.

But five years later it all changed. Yes, I made it to my five-year mark. Five years and three weeks to be exact. But in July 2009, during my mammogram, the doctor said there was something there. But this one was different. I did NOT have a recurrence. Instead, I had a new cancer, in the same breast as my previous cancer. This was diagnosed as a high-grade sarcoma. It was, as the doctors like to say, "an ugly baby."

Well, this ugly baby would cost me my breasts. A double-mastectomy was in order. I was diagnosed two days before my birthday.

My emotions were all over the place. Fear, hope, faith, fear, fear, fear...
I was afraid of surgery, anesthesia, pain, recovery, what would I look like, and mostly would I die?

The internet research I did on sarcoma was frightening. I was turning 46 years old, and what I had thought was the downhill slide toward 50, suddenly became a very young 46. I wasn't ready for all of this. A possible death sentence at 46 was wrong. I was much too young!

Yet there it was in front of me. This time, I wouldn't be able to ignore my cancer, and its effect on me. This cancer was much too real.

More to come...

2010-04-26T17:28:00.000-05:00

This blog has long been defunct. Probably because I didn't have a topic or theme for the blog. Well, maybe now I do. And it's a difficult one for me to write about. I don't want to be a public person known JUST as a cancer survivor. I'm much more than that. I don't want cancer to become my identity. However, there's so many twist and turns on this journey through cancer, that maybe I should write about it. Maybe just to not feel so alone at times. I know there are many, many other survivors out there who have walked this road. Hey, and thank God there are so many survivors!! I like that! But it's still an exclusive club that we're in. A club we never wanted to join, yet here we are. I've been here twice now. Back on this journey, and I don't want to be alone.
To clarify, I KNOW I'm never alone. As a Christian, I have my faith in God, and He definitely has been with me ALL THE WAY through this journey. No, I don't understand why I got cancer twice. But I do believe that all things are used for God's purpose. Maybe mine is just to reach out with love and with hope. Maybe I'll never know the reason, but I definitely want to focus on moving forward and not back.
This blog was originally called Rebecca's Journey. What a journey this life is! The theme of this blog is the "New Normal." The "new normal" is what happens when your life turns upside down, and this you're supposed to begin again -- with many things being the same, but your perspective, and your physical health and looks being so much different.
Everyone reacts differently to having cancer, to getting through treatment, to surviving cancer. Surviving is a word I like to focus on. However, different we may react, only a fellow cancer survivor knows what this feels like at its core. Friends and family can understand, sympathize, and care for you like never before, but sometimes you want to scream: You don't know what this feels like! But as long as those friends and family members allow you to scream, and still love you anyway, then I guess it's all right.
I've screamed at God. I didn't understand, and I certainly didn't want this. But yet I know He's been there by my side the entire time. Of that, I have no doubt. He's shaping me, molding me into someone else. It's obviously not just my physical body that's being re-shaped. And hopefully, I can take this faith, and this experience, and turn it in to something good.
For now, I just wanted to say hello. Next time, we'll go into my cancer history, so you'll learn more about the road I've been on. Maybe together, we can share and care for each other, and still be grateful to be here!

2009-06-16T14:37:00.001-05:00

Well, it's been awhile since I've posted on my blog. It's titled "Rebecca's Journey", but I'm certainly not sharing very much of my journey. Maybe I'm not meant to be a blogger. I'm too private. LOL :)

God is certainly leading me down interesting paths right now. I know I'm called to write, but yet I struggle to finish my manuscripts. And the ideas keep coming! When I do get into serious writing mode, I absolutley love it!

But I also love serving American Christian Fiction Writers (ACFW) as its Vice-President.
At the beginning of the year, this is the last place I thought I'd be! I was already on the Operating Board for ACFW, happily serving as its Membership Director. I was also volunteering in church, and with my local ACFW chapter as Secretary (shout-out to the DFW Ready Writers!)

Earlier in the year, I felt nudging, I guess nudging from God. (Wouldn't it be great if God used neon billboards!) I needed to reign in my focus. I was over-committed, over-volunteered, etc. So, I took a step back. I un-volunteered from my church, which was very difficult to do. And I knew my term as Membership Director with ACFW would end in December this year, as well as my term as Secretary for my local chapter. So, I made preparations to serve out my terms faithfully and focus on writing.

It was time to get back to what I was supposed to be doing -- writing stories. But that didn't happen!

I was appointed Vice-President of ACFW when our wonderful sitting V.P. had to resign, and shortly after I stepped back from my other volunteer duties.
So, this appointment keeps me on the ACFW board until 2010, and takes up a great deal of my time.

My focus still isn't writing, but I felt that my un-volunteering was God's way of preparing me for this position.

I continually pick at my work-in-progress, but for some reason, God wants me right where I am. And if I have to not write as frequently as I'd like, at least it's for the wonderful reason of serving our Lord via ACFW, and trying to give back in some way for all that this organization has given to me.

I'm still not quite sure what God is up to, but I trust and pray, and keep learning and growing through ACFW. I can't wait to see what He brings after 2010!

2008-07-21T13:43:00.003-05:00

My birthday was two days ago, and yes, having birthdays, especially at my age, leads to a reflection of your life. But this year, I was reflecting in a different way.
My husband threw me a birthday party this year! How fun! We had 30 people at our house, and the amazing thing is that we didn't know 25 of them 8 months ago!

We've moved to this area almost eight months ago, and it's been a long road in establishing friendships. I grew up in the military, so I was used to moving around, and I've moved several times as an adult. Change is okay in my book. However this last move, for my husband's new job, was different. Our kids are in college, so we weren't meeting parents of kids the same age as ours through school. I'm no longer working out of the house, but am instead working on my writing career at home, so I'm not meeting new friends via a workplace. And with church, well, we shopped churches for several months, only joining our new church two months ago.

In January and February of this year, I recall being very lonely, feeling isolated, and although I knew that feeling would change as we established ourselves in a new home, it was a difficult few months.

My birthday party was a celebration, and did it ever show what a mighty work God can do in your life if you just ask Him. In January, I would never have imagined that there would be a house full of people in my home. But there they were, from all different areas of our lives: neighbors, church friends, writer friends, a college buddy, and cousins we're finally getting to know because we now live closer to them.

God has done nothing but bless us for this entire move: From the beginning, even when we thought we were going to another city and couldn't understand why the doors kept closing there, all the way to our beautiful home, that was happily filled with laughter, love, and good new friends. We're establishing our life here, and it's going to be wonderful.

God is so good.....

2007-10-03T08:52:00.000-05:00

Decision - Determination - Discipline:
I had a college professor give those words as he was talking about what was needed to pass his class. We had made the decision to take his class. Now we needed to have determination, as well as the discipline to do the readings and the homework to do well.

I think this is also true for the writing life. I've made this decision, better yet, God has thrust this decision upon me, to write for Him. I am determined to write and to finish my manuscripts. Now that I've made the decision and have the determination, I am dealing with the discipline issues.

Like most writers, I have set a schedule for my writing. I have a daily/weekly writing goal, and I treat my writing as my job. Since I also have other work (thankfully, I can work from home), I pick two days a week where I take care of my regular paying jobs.

The key now is to stick with this schedule, create a habit, and make this work.
Besides the 3 D's -- I need to add one more thing: PRAYER. As I sit down to start my work day, I am trying to be diligent about saying a prayer over my work day to help me avoid distractions and laziness, and to stay focused. Whether or not I succeed, well, it is up to me. God has given me gifts to use for his purpose, and why I realize that nothing I can do can thwart God's plans, I certainly can derail myself. By praying and bringing God into my daily work world, I am hoping to avoid the terrible D's of: distraction, doubt, and discouragement, and continue with the positive D's of: Diligence, Determination and Discipline.

2006-09-06T15:43:00.000-05:00

Friends Along the Way

In our journey in this life, we run across many people. Some become our friends, some are co-workers, and some are just passing through. Then there are the distinctive few, that become your best friends, your confidantes. There's a special connection that puts them on a different level than other friends. Growing up, they would be your best friend.

My husband and I were fortunate enough to connect with our friends, Dan and Sandi. For the past 4 and 1/2 years we've shared the birth of children, music, cancer diagnosis (and recovery), the passing of other friends, and the struggles with our jobs and even with our spouses. Now, Dan and Sandi are leaving. They have a job opportunity they can't turn down. We're very excited for them, but as my husband and I are thinking about them, we realize we don't have any other friends on the same level as Dan and Sandi. We have acquaintances, and other friends, but none we have the same connection with as we do with these extraordinary people.

We are thankful to God for blessing this friendship, and bringing these wonderful people in to our lives, but truly our hearts are breaking as we watch them leave and head out to new adventures. It's strange knowing there's no one here in our hometown that we have this same level of friendship with... but maybe that will change in time. We trust God to guide us and bring new people into our lives who will bless us as much as Dan and Sandi have.

We need to take the time to cultivate friendships, and make people count in our lives. We get wrapped up in day-to-day living, problems with the kids or issues at home. It’s easy to focus only on our own situations. But we can’t do that always. We need friends, we need fellowship, and we need to share our lives with others. Value your friends for they are precious.

2006-08-25T10:21:00.000-05:00

The Journey and the Goal

I've often wondered if, going through our day to day life, we get so focused on the finish line, or on the completion of our goals or plans, that we miss the journey along the way. What's the saying? "Life is what happens when you're making other plans." I agree with that. I want to make each day count, but I know there are many wasted days and time that I won't recapture again. As a writer, there are those days when I let distractions take over and I do anything and everything NOT to write. Even when I have the time and nothing to interfere. Why would suddenly vacuuming the house become so much more appealing than writing?

As a Christian, I also don't want to waste the time God's given me on this earth. Every day is a gift, and every day is precious. Sometimes in the solitude of my day I've let things slipped by unnoticed or wasted the day with the television on instead of my eyes opened to the wonders of the world.

I'm not saying not to set goals. I have goals, dreams, plans for the future. I just want to pay attention and enjoy the journey along the way to seeing those dreams come true.